The Art of Wallowing

a photo from a rainy drive in Sweden

There are times, which are thankfully becoming increasingly infrequent, in which the desire to wallow overcomes me.  Suddenly all those little things I told myself that I could push away and overcome compile into one big hurt.

Predictably, as soon as I realized I wanted to wallow, I felt ashamed.  Feeling sorry for myself is something I've been trying to overcome, something I reflected on quite a bit after my experience in Sweden.  I was thinking about it, and wondered how my mother handled this same feeling.  However, I realized I've never seen her in such a state.  She is one of the most selfless people I've ever encountered.  As a mother, wife, and friend, she puts everyone else first.  She does this even if it means sacrificing her own wants and needs, her time, or her sleep.  Honestly, she takes everything in stride and can't seem to fathom feeling or doing something that isn't productive.  Being young and independent, my first thought is often myself which is somewhat normal but still incredibly selfish- and something I want to change.  I aspire to be more like my kind mother.

Then, the perfect song came on which gave me some comfort.  Jason Mraz's "Life is Wonderful"

It takes some work to make it work, it takes some good to make it hurt, it takes bad for satisfaction. 

While I may suffer some emotional hits at times...it makes the rest of life that much sweeter.  Life isn't a competition to stay at equilibrium, it's messy and complicated.  One must savor the downs as much as the ups to really experience life and to learn from it.  Also, I learned that fudgsicles make being heart-sick seem a little less bad (just try it).